Revisiting The Past While Anticipating The Future

In Brugge for my 80th in 2014.

I returned from Britain several days ago but fatigue [and 

Some of the guests even more colourful than
the rest!

backache from soft beds!] have reduced the enthusiasm normally reserved for my blog! So this is extra late! My week in Bury St Edmunds and Long Crendon was super in that I saw lots of my family. It included the splendid Celebration of Life for my sweet sister, Heather, who died a few weeks ago. She hadn’t wanted a funeral service so her two ‘children’ interpreted her final wish by organising a Celebration Day in which everyone was asked to wear bright colours and attend, bringing a flower each. Flowers, plants and gardens had been central to Heather’s life and was an inspired idea while the resulting bowls of flowers were a delightful hommage to her. There were three ‘speeches’; a heartfelt tribute from Russell, her son; a spirited rendition of Heather’s favourite poem, Jenny Joseph’s ‘When I Am Old, I Shall Wear Purple’ by daughter Joanne, and an encomium from me, full of some of the many memories from our 80 plus companionable years. I was surprised, as I finished my tribute, to see how many people were in tears and I guess the culprit was the final quote from Leonard Cohen’s note to Marianne, a former lover, as she lay dying of leukaemia and written about a year before he died in 2016. I had very slightly adapted it and quote my version here which I announced that I was reading to her:

“Well Heather, it’s come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I have always loved you for your beauty and your elegance …… but now, I just want to wish you a good journey. Goodbye old friend. Endless love; see you down the road. “

A second viewing of this photo by Cait!
 Heather and I 
playing Mah Jong on my terrace in 2017.

Tears were soon dried, and a long and lively afternoon of conversation ensued, filled with Heather-memories, and the cheerful, jolly melange of voices reverberated as the large group of friends and relatives reminisced and chatted, many often catching up with people they hadn’t seen in ages because of Lockdown and geography. It was a warm and happy day, one which enfolded rather than distressed, one which would have pleased my sister enormously [and which delighted the garden congregation too] and one which has changed my mind around my eventual departure for the Great Classroom in The Sky! Definitely not a formal service for me; surely, a celebration based in a garden if I can get the timing right for the weather and temperature! I am considering booking the same garden, in fact! It is quite perfect

Heather, en fleur, at 15 in 1955.

After I had written the title of this blog, I was reminded of Janus, the God of motion who looked after passages, caused actions to begin and presided over all beginnings. Since movement and change are interconnected, he had a double nature, symbolised by his two-headed image.

SO, I was in the U.K. for a very sad reason which caused me to revisit the past, but Janus-like, my children and I were also looking ahead to start to implement  my recent decision to return to Britain and go to live near my youngest, in Bury St Edmunds. The result is that I found, and am starting to buy, a small, two bedroom flat there, a choice which ticks many of my desired boxes; a terrace; a lift; a spare bedroom; in the mediaeval heart of the little town; near the beautiful Abbey Gardens! Perhaps Janus was presiding over this beginning to the next phase of my life to which I am looking forward while simultaneously feeling sad, contemplating leaving my present beautiful apartment and terrace in Brugge. A typical mixture of many human decisions; change and movement; anticipation and regret.

Remains of the Abbot's Palace in the Abbey Gardens,
Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk.

Abbey Gardens with Cathedral in the background

Heather in Brugge, 2017.or 2018.