Reflections on a theme

THINK this was at 83; obviously much younger!

Unbelievable that birthday 85 is close at hand. Unbelievable on several levels but chiefly because of the speed between numbers 84 and 85; the unseemly way Time speeds up inexorably as one grows older, is one of the manifestly unfair characteristics of ageing! And not the only one, it must be said.. The year by year visible slowing down, and the shrinking stamina also feature on the radar. The collapse of face and figure are so typical, so predictable, as to be barely worth mentioning! But the mental gaps present occasional nightmares though organisation here can help; a diary/ agenda and notes to oneself have important, face-saving functions. But the fact that one’s friends and relations die too soon cannot be denied or assuaged; this indeed is a common but inevitable and rather lonely feature of growing old, to be met with the stoicism developed in losing many battles over the years. One remembers, at funerals, that growing old is a privilege denied to many.

 My sister and I playing Mah Jong on the terrace
on our birthday last year.

But ageing isn’t all negative; not at all. One of the pleasures of growing old, unknown to the young, is giving things up. I have relinquished cooking for others [and do as little as possible for myself]; housework; sewing buttons on; pretending to like cakes and biscuits offered by lovely people [I simply refuse anything to eat which I don’t like]. And then there is the glorious freedom to decline to join activities which social obligation might well have demanded in the past. Among various seductive possibilities open to the Seriously Old, there is the total delight of saying exactly what one thinks, albeit politely, about almost everything; the determination which leads to effective action to avoid bores and boring situations even when social duty might demand otherwise; the utter delight of doing what one will, especially if, as I do, one lives alone unfettered even by the tiniest expectations of a partner. An octogenarian knows herself through long acquaintance; I know that I like to be liked but also that I do not need approval. The only imperatives come now from myself normally. There can be family requests, suggestions, questions but the deference due to age as seen by kind and considerate family members, keep these infrequent. After all, children and adult grandchildren have better things to do than pander unnecessarily to the egos of grandparents!! We are not needed very much and once accommodation to that fact has been made, it is a deliciously carefree place in which to be!

 Reflections in Brugge

I moved to live alone in Brugge at 80 on what can only be termed, ‘a whim’. I didn’t think too deeply about it but just did it, excited by the idea and trusting as ever in my ability to make everything turn out pretty well. Four and a half years later, I find myself living a happy life, a little life in the scheme of things, but satisfying and serene. In many ways it is a self-indulgent life but I tolerate that, as I tolerate my character flaws, with an amused acceptance!! It wasn’t always so and now is the time to do the things I love. I love reading, urban walking, going out to lunch, attending the occasional concert, meeting friends. Especially, I love socialising while also loving being alone; a perfect combination for one soul. Perhaps my favourite pastime has become Mah Jong, unknown to me until three years ago but now played every week with up to seven friends. We are all dotty about it and discover inventive ways to add the occasional celebration to our sessions. This week, champagne for my impending birthday; next week, Chinese food, courtesy of our teacher and leader, Nancy, for my birthday just gone! If one can cook up old age with self-indulgence sprinkled on top, that is delicious!

My other weekly favourite activity is my Thursday group; begun for locals, already good to fluent in English but wanting regular practice. Members of that group have become dear friends who meet for a drink and a chat; there is the occasional tea party and this week, a wonderful outing to a Portuguese restaurant for a birthday meal for me. Really, when I consider all, my cup runneth over.

I noted down recently a quote from Confucius which greatly entertained:

Chinese philosopher, Confucius 551-479 B.C.

Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing. It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as spectator.

I remembered that last week as my daughter in California Facetimed me [oh yes, family Facetime is another Good Thing] to tell me of all the turbulence in her little family’s life at present; all good possibilities but all the balls in the air too!! But they are confident jugglers and I watch from afar and admire; it is just marvellous to be a loving spectator and not an actor!

 Always time for beautiful reflections in Brugge!